I wanna
by gleeisruiningmylife
Summary: What if Blaine never realized he was in love with Kurt? Or at least not in "Original Song". What if he realizes it and it may just be too late?  gosh, this summary sucks Rating M-for...I dont know, I just feel like it.


**_A/N: this is a songfic inspired by amazing song by AAR- I wanna. I know it sucks, I know there are typos but it's already 0:35am here and I can barely force myself to keep my eyes open. _**

**_It' s futurefic!_**

**_Imagine that "You move me" in original song NEVER happened...I know it sucks...but._**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything. The song is property of AAR(although I would love to own that Tyson boy for a while...), characters are property od Ryan Murphy and FOX._**

**_Yes, that's about it...please, enjoy!_**

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><p><em>I never thought that I was so blind<em>

_I can finally see the truth  
>It's me for you<br>_

_**Ohmygod**_. It´s like I´ve never seen him before. And I mean really SEE him. I´ve been looking at him but never realized…he´s the ONE. All those years I have been looking at him talking to him…just being with him and never realized it. I, Blaine Anderson was in love with Kurt Hummel.

_Tonight you can't imagine that I'm by your side  
>Cuz it's never gonna be the truth<br>Too far for you  
><em>

Why do people come to realization ALWAYS in a moment like this? Why didn´t I realize it before? Why did it take me THREE years? I can still recall the moment in the coffee shop when he confessed his feelings for me. And what did I say? "I really, really care about you…but I don´t wanna screw this up." Okay, I really DID care about him but not in the way he did. But now… when I see him on the dance floor, swaying to the rhythm of Lady Gaga´s song, I just know it. And I know that I felt it all along.

_But can you hear me say?  
>Don't throw me away<br>And there's no way out  
>I gotta hold you somehow<br>_

FUCK! I want to go there and just tell him. I want to tell everyone. I wanna stand on the top of the world and scream: "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I love you". There´s just a tiny, Tiny, TINY thing that stops me. His _**boyfriend**_. Yes, you heard me right. Kurt Hummel has a boyfriend. That asshole named Adrien… even his name sounds _asshole_. We met him our freshman year at NYU. He was in Kurt´s fashion design class. I didn´t like him from the beginning. He was just sleazy and sneaky and I never liked him… ok, except that year when I had a crush on him. I don´t know why is it that I always crush on guys that don´t give a shit about me. Still, that doesn´t change the fact that he is an asshole who doesn´t deserve Kurt.

I have to look away. Kurt is leaning into Adrien´s embrace, his lips slowly crashing into Adrien´s. Why does it hurt so much? I wanna be the one whose lips are moving slowly against Kurt´s.

I force myself to turn away from the view that´s killing me. I drink another shot of Vodka and flush it down with beer. If I am about to endure this night, watching these two I need every help I can get.

The song ends. I turn away from the bar to look at them. They are coming to me. Hand in hand. Crap, I´m not gonna make it.

"Hey, Blaine," Kurt´s a little drunk, "having fun?"

"Absolutely," I say awkwardly, taking another sip of beer. Well, it´s not exactly a sip…I drink down half of the bottle. _**Ohmygod, **_Kurt is just all over Adrien now. I finish my beer…I have to get out.

"Guys, I gotta go," I say hastily as I am putting on my jacket, "I had a hard week at school, I need to sleep it off. Have fun."

I don´t wait for an answer. I just hurry the fuck away.

* * *

><p>That dream again. I am sleeping in my room in mine and Kurt´s apartment my parents got us after we moved here. And the dream again… it´s been more than two weeks since I realized I had feelings for Kurt. And since then I am having this stupid dream. It´s always the same. I am studying for an exam in my room when Kurt enters. He looks dreamy(as always), wearing only pyjama pants. He comes closer and sits on my bed. I just smile at him as he always comes to my room, sits on my bed when I study. I return to my book, trying to memorize something when he stars singing.<p>

_I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you  
>You wanna touch me too<br>Everyday but all I have is time  
>Our loves the perfect crime<em>

I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you  
>You wanna touch me too<br>Every way and when they set me free  
>Just put your hands on me<p>

And as the song goes, I do what he want me to do. What I wanna do. TOUCH HIM. I stand up from my table and cross the distance between us before crashing our lips together. It feels so right. Kurt moans into my mouth and threads his fingers into my curls. I raise my hands to cup his face while our tongues dance together.

"Oh, Blaine…you have no idea how long I wanted to do this. From the second I saw you at the staircase at Dalton," says Kurt when I move away from his lips. But my mouth never leaves his perfect skin. His perfect porcelain skin. I can still recall when he complained about his old cheerleading coach, Sue Sylvester, forcing him ti pick out a nick name. And he chose "Porcelain" which fits him perfectly. No, he´s perfect.

"Kurt…god, I´ve been dreaming about this," I say against the skin of his neck.

"Don´t speak, just kiss me," he commands and his lips are suddenly crushing mine. His fingers move from my hair to unbutton my shirt. I can feel his trembling fingers but he succeeds to do so. I let my shirt fall from my shoulders. His lips leave mine and I instantly feel the emptiness. His hands are all over my naked torso. I move my hands to the hem of his shirt, tugging it up. He lets me strip him out of it, revealing his beautiful naked chest.

"You´re beautiful…" I say, dropping butterfly kisses all over torso.

"Shut up and fuck me…" says Kurt…and I WAKE UP!

Please, tell me…how is that fair? Isn´t the thing that he has a boyfriend enough? Why can´t I have him at least in a dream? Man, life sucks!

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><p><em>Take everything that I know you'll break<br>And I give my life away  
>So far for you<em>

_But can you hear me say  
>Don't throw me away<br>There's no way out  
>I gotta hold you somehow<br>_

"Blaine, are you OK?" the sound of Kurt´s voice brings me back to reality.

"Wha- oh, yes…I´m…I just zoned out, I guess."

"You´ve been kind of distant lately, are you sure there is nothing bothering you?" he looks at me with concern in his eyes.

"I´m just…the school, you know…I have lots of things to do and other…stuff," I say, desperately trying to supress the desperate tone in my voice because all I really want to say is: ´No, I am not OK. I love you, I want to be with you and I cannot stand any minute without you´. Of course I don´t say it. I don´t show people my desperate side.

"O-okay, I just…you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"

I just nod. I can´t risk that my voice betraying me. _I can´t talk to you about anything_, I add in my head, _not about this, without you starting to hate me, because of me being such a blind idiot_.

"Want to do something over the weekend?" asks Kurt few minutes later. I´ve just finished writing my essay and started reading a book. I clear my throat before answering.

"I thought you were spending the weekend with Adrien at his place," I look up from the book.

"Um, no…he decided to go home to see his parents. He´ll be spending there a week."

"Oh, okay…what did you have in mind?" I ask casually though I can hear excitement in my voice. _Adrien is going away, Adrien is going away, Adrien is going away_…I am chanting in my mind.

"I don´t have particular plans, we could go to Broadway maybe, see something? We haven´t been spending too much time together lately and I kind of miss that. You´re still my best friend, you know," he lays his hand on top of mine. I shiver under his touch.

"Yeah, I miss that too," I sigh and look up.

"So it´s decided. We´re going to have a blast believe me," says Kurt victoriously.

_Oh yes, we will. I´m gonna tell you,_ I add in my head.

* * *

><p><em>Tonight I'm weak<br>It's just another day without you  
>That I can't sleep<br>I gave away the world for you to_

Hear me say  
>Don't throw me away<br>There's no way out  
>I gotta hold you somehow<p>

Weekend with Kurt. It was a BLAST! It is a BLAST! We went to the museum, shopping, just walking around Central Park… everything we used to do before Adrien. On Saturday, we dressed up and went to see a show on Broadway. Wicked! Again. After three years in New Your, I can safely say that I know this show by heart. I´ve seen it at least 100 times. Kurt´s kind of obsessed and I just like(love) spending time with him. It´s like there is no Adrien. Just me and Kurt. Kurt and Blaine. Blaine and Kurt.

"Oh my…have you seen how she messed Popular? That would never happen to Kristin!" says Kurt as we are leaving the theatre, heading home.

"Yeah, I noticed…but it was okay, I guess." I shrug.

"So, do you want to do something? Or just go home? Maybe we could go and get something to eat, I´m starving."

I look at Kurt and see his eyes, pleading. How can you say NO to that?

"Sure, where to?"

We went to our favourite bistro which is opened 24/7, eat, drink, talk, laugh. There are at least 10 moments I am about to say those "3" words but I can´t. No! I see the way Kurt´s around Adrien. He is happy. And loving means letting the other one to be happy. Even though your heart is dying. And I want him to be happy. Even if it´s not with me. I´m just happy to be around, to be his friend… to have him, in my own creepy way.

* * *

><p><em>All I wanna do is touch you<br>I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you  
>You wanna touch me too<br>Everyday but all I have is time  
>Our loves the perfect crime<br>_

I am sitting in my room, reading a book and listening to music when I hear the doors. And the slam is pretty loud. Kurt´s not in a good mood. You can always say what mood he´s in by the way he shuts the door. I learned that after three years of being roommates. He storms into my room.

"Hey," I start slowly. I can say that he´s pretty angry!

"Hi…ugh..I´m…shit…" he can´t even say anything coherent.

"Are you OK?"

"What? Do I look OK? I´m fucking furious!"

"OH…I…just…what happened?"

"That stupid, fucking asshole…that´s what happened!"

"I´m not following." I say honestly.

"Adrien, he just broke up with me…can you believe that? I have no idea what happened…he just texted me! TEXTED! Like, 10 minutes ago…I just wanna fuckin´ kill him right now. That…" he just collapses. Onto my bed. Onto me. I just embrace him and let him soak up my shirt with tears.

"It´ll be OK, shhhh… he´s an asshole for doing that…" I try to calm him down, soothingly caressing his back.

"I know…right? I´m awesome…" he sobs again.

"Yes, you are. You´re perfect. He does not deserve you. You will find someone, believe me."

"Why is everybody telling this shit? I know I will…I just want…kill him right now…not for breaking up with me, but for doing it via text message."

"So you´re not upset about him, breaking up with you but because of sms?"

"Duh…I really didn´t care about him that much. He was fun and pretty and everything…just not…" he looks up at me. I can feel my heart in my throat.

"Who?"

"You."

I can´t believe just heard that. He said it, right? ME? It was me all along? I smile and start singing the song from the dream. Yes, that´s perfect!

_I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you  
>You wanna touch me too<br>Every way and when they set me free  
>Just put your hands on me<em>

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><p>thanks for reading, if you can...please review...it feels like my life depends on reviews(although it really does NOT)<p> 


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